Hello, been lurking for a while. Thought I would come out of the shadows and explain myself.
I am a 28 year old able bodied woman with a 26 year old husband paralyzed entirely on his right side and an amazing sarcastic 11 year old son.
We knew nothing about MS until the morning of July 3rd this summer. Then my husband literally woke up and tried to step out of bed and fell. He has regained very little of the function of his limbs. He still cannot walk without a cane and has to go downstairs on his butt, and although he can lift his arm he is not able to even write his name or use a remote control.
We have been together for nearly 9 years and have been married almost 6, and although MS isn't any sort of a blessing we have a strong relationship and friendship based on communication and love and common life goals. We understand that this changed our lifepath and we need to figure something else out, and we are fine with that.
We are "fine" with ALMOST everything.
Except the sex.
I get my husband off all the time, orally, and vaginally and any other way under the sun that he wants it. But I have always taken longer to orgasm and I have always been work to get off. And now, well, I feel like i am going to "harm" him more, or stress him out and give him another attack.
This is the first topic of conversation that I haven't wanted to talk to my husband about. I don't want him to feel worse.
We only really tried once. 2 months ago, it was bad. I can't get off while I am on top, and he was trying to pump his hips back and forth and all I could see was the pain on his face and KNOW I was the cause of it. I stopped him and asked him to please just get off of me, that I didn't think I was going to be able to have an orgasm, and he started to cry and said "I can't even please my wife anymore"..... I didn't know what to say.
So after that I started saying I wasn't in the mood EVERY time he approached me, and I get him off. Until this we had a VERY healthy sex life. 2-5 times a week depending on the week, both of us having orgasms, and if one was in the mood and the other wasn't we made a pact a long time ago to also please the other one even when we weren't in the mood. So for a little while he was buying that I just wasn't in the mood.
Now it's two months later and I have had ONE orgasm that I snuck while I was in the shower.
Wow. I didn't realize I was going to explode like that. Evidentally I needed to tell this to something.
But basically, I am here in this community because it seemed like a place were I wouldn't feel alone in my fumbling sexapades.
Cheers - Jessica