?

Log in

About this Journal
Current Month
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30
Aug. 29th, 2008 @ 10:24 pm Dating problems (or lack thereof)
Hi all,
I'm sure someone has already talked about this, but I just joined this community and it would take forever to read back through all the posts. Anyway, I am 22 and just graduated college. I am legally blind but have enough vision to do most things, except drive and play sports. I am almost totally blind in the dark and need a little assistance in strange areas, but otherwise I am fairly mobile and often am mistaken for a fully sighted person. However, I have only had two boyfriends my entire life, neither relationship lasted long. I was tortured in high school and had awful self esteem on top of that. It was unbelievable. College was a little better and now I have good self esteem. I have awful hair but otherwise I'm not bad looking. I'm intelligent and I think I'm a nice person, or at least I try to be. Every now and then I notice a guy looking at me, but no one ever approaches me. I know that people have waved at me before and, not seeing them, I didn't respond so they probably thought I was a jerk or something. The people who know me well know better than that, but people who just see me occassionally don't. Now I'm back in my hometown trying to find a full time job and it's really lonely here. I've been doing online dating (like match.com) and in my intro I say that I am visually impaired. I firmly believe that that does not "define" me, but it is a part of me that I can't change and I don't see as a problem. The only reason I say it is because I'd rather people know beforehand that I can't drive because that's always an issue in dating situations. I've barely gotten any responses and the ones I have gotten are from people I definitely wouldn't date (ie. guys only interested in a one night stand.) I feel like if I didn't put in there about my eyesight, I'd get a few more responses. If people, online or otherwise, would just get to know me, they'd see that it's not a big deal and dating me or even being my friend only requires a slight bit of empathy and understanding, not a huge burden.

Is this ever going to change? I know there are plenty of happily married people or people in a relationship who have disabilities. Is there ever going to be anyone that sees me for me and isn't scared because of my eyesight? I just feel sometimes like I ought to join a convent or something. I mean good grief it's not as if I have two heads or something....

Anyway, any thoughts anyone has would certainly be appreciated:)
About this Entry
riss287:
Jun. 19th, 2008 @ 11:26 am Accessible Gynecologist Project
Current Mood: busy
x-posted to gimpgirl

GimpGirl Community is working to collect useful information for women with disabilities. One of our ongoing topics is healthcare and sexual health. Our goal with the following survey is to develop a list of gynecologists that provide accessible, respectful care to women with disabilities. The results of this survey will be added to our http://gimpgirl.com website so that everyone that needs this information can access it.
About this Entry
jennylin:
Apr. 20th, 2008 @ 02:01 pm (no subject)
so hey i have a question :)
what, if anything, has yer particular disability given you in terms of sex? what i mean is, are there positive things that happen around sex for you because of your disability? an example i can think of for me, is that because some stuff can be really diffcult for me physically, my particular disability has me more able and willing to check in more, to be assertive about whats ok, what feels good, what doesnt so much, and to do that with other people as well. and i do wonder how / if that would have been different wthout, yknow? i know some of that for me is defninitely mixed up with other body/history stuff, but im curious about that one piece and how people may or may not experience it...
any thoughts?
About this Entry
hot gimp
undeconstructed:
Apr. 20th, 2008 @ 03:33 pm When Is "The Question" Appropriate, In Your Opinion?
Well, you know "the question" I'm referring to...

What's wrong with you?

Variations include what happened to you, what do you have, what's wrong with [specific body part] or maybe just a pointed gesture towards [whatever aide you've got to, er, aide you - I'm trying to be as broad as possible here] and a questioning expression and implied waiting for an explanation.

I don't really hang out with other disabled people too often. I don't think I know very many, and I don't know any all that well. And anyway, I've only lived where I live now for less than a year, so I don't know all that many people to begin with. But I overheard a conversation between two girls at a bar last night, and I've been puzzling over it ever since.

Basically, the girl was talking about how she brought a guy home with her after drinking, they hooked up, and then the next morning he said "I don't mean to be rude, but do you mind telling me a little more about your disability" and her response was "OMG GET OUT OF MY BED" and she wrote the entire experience off as a mistake and the guy as a loser. Her friend seemed to agree that the guy was clearly dirt.

Which has left me thinking, so, um, what was so bad about that question anyway? No, I don't like being asked that question by strangers. Of course I don't. And what's more, I usually don't answer, because really, one, I don't want to talk about it, and two, it's none of their business and I really am that stubborn. But... if it's someone you're gonna have sex with? Perhaps even more than one time? Isn't that kind of, well, important information?

Of course a part of why this is sticking in my head so much is that I had a one night thingy myself a few weeks ago - no, I totally never planned on something like that, and I'm not all that proud of it either, but, it happened, and it's been on my mind ever since - and one thing I thought was just strange about the experience was that he never asked me that question. He did not ask me one single thing about my body or how much I could move or how much I could feel. (Just feel the need to edit this to add, I'm not exactly delicate - he couldn't have hurt me by doing anything that wouldn't have hurt a completely able bodied person - if he could have, I would have spoken up. I promise.) And, without going into the gory details - although I think in this comm that is considered ok to do? - we did fumble a little bit, and I did have to give a few instructions, but, really, I don't think sex EVER goes quite like a romance novel or a porno flick, for anyone, especially if its the first time two people were together.

So... is it weird that he never asked me anything? Is it weird that I think that's weird and am not just enjoying that he in no way made me feel like a disfunctional freak or damaged goods or whatever? Is that girl I overheard weird for throwing out what's-his-name for asking about her disability, or is a question like that really supposed to be off limits? Did he not even bring it up because he didn't want to insult me (I don't think I would have been insulted, but that girl I overheard clearly was) or am I just... overthinking this whole concept way too much and the answer is that everything is different for everyone and what's weird to one person is normal to someone else?
About this Entry
Rose
lara_everlong:
Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 11:12 am Flirting & approachability
I don't know if I've ever actually posted here before, or not If not, hello. *waves* In another community, someone posted about "good" places to approach women in public. It got me to thinking, is there a safe place to approach & flirt with you in public? I always get nervous when men approach me, because they are usually either either creepy guys with a disability fetish, or men who just want to screw the handicapped chick. A few may be genuinely nice guys, but trying to identify those usually only leads to heartache. So what about it, ladies? Is there a good place to approach & flirt with you in public, or is everyone creepyy until proven otherwise?
About this Entry
Zombie carrot
violet_tigress1:
Mar. 3rd, 2008 @ 01:29 am (no subject)
Ok so this one's more of an emotional, relationshipy question.  My girlfriend has had a brain injury for over a year, and ever since she started talking again, she expressed her keen desire to have sex again.  It didn't really seem like an option for a long time since we were in the hospital and then at her grandma's house, and I was always really paranoid that someone would catch us and try to separate us, like they might accuse me of taking advantage or something.
She's still at her grandma's house, but now she's progressed cognitively enough so that I don't feel like I would be taking advantage, and there has been some talk of a hotel room.  The problem is, I'm now kind of nervous about it.  I could chock it up to it just being a long time, but I think a larger part of it is all the pressure she puts on herself.  She always talks about how she hopes she still remembers how to do it and she hopes she can make it great for me.  I'm worried that she won't be able to do the same things, and that will make her even more sad than before.  I've assured tried to prepare her for those moments, telling her that we'll work through any physical deficits she still has and that if it doesn't really work the first time, it's ok, but she insists that it's not ok to her.  How can I reassure her? 
About this Entry
flaminliberal:
Feb. 26th, 2008 @ 03:04 am (no subject)
Hi Anna

It is no comfort to me how many people have a sexual problem emanating from disability.  Mine, I am afraid, is directly related to sexuality.

I am male, 44, London.  I was born with penile & testicular agenesis; that is no genitalia.  Oh I am male, it is just that the Leydig cells inter alia failed me at embryosis.  Till early last year I hid myself away until one day i went over the wall and turned to the beach & naturism.  Happily, naturists being what they are, welcomed and accepted me. 

My next move was into the chauvinist naked gay clubs in London.  yes I am gay, how can I possibly be straight?  Why, because I had to prove I was not a failure.  Ostracised, physically violated, abused, I was going to pack it in.  But enough people were genuinely human enough to accept me as their friend.  I also did get some sexual experience, albeit from the neck up and built a reputation as a bit of a specialist, an oral sexologist they said (blush). 

But the abuse got too much and now I am in the US for constructive surgery. A combination of prosthetic and graft will, they assure me, see me return home a complete male.  I cannot believe this is happening to me after all these years.  I will keep everyone posted in my Journal as far as censorship allows me to.

Why are you doing this just because others demand it, you may ask.  Well I have to live among these bastards.  Anyway if I get a full sex-life, will I not be doing it for myself? 

I just thought you ought to know that sometimes, thanks to surgery, there is a light at the end of the tunnel that is not a train coming the other way.

Hugs
Metromancer / WillyNilly

About this Entry
metromancer2:
Feb. 24th, 2008 @ 11:17 am Intro post
Well I joined a few weeks ago. This community is exactly why I love the internet - there is nothing you can't find here!

Um. Not that I see any sexcapades in my near future, but... it's good to read up, you know, just in case, right?

I am 24. I'm a girl. I live in the U.S. I have an incomplete spinal chord injury. I have some feeling but not a lot. I have some movement, too, but also not a lot. I usually walk with crutches, and I can walk a little with a cane as well, but normally just around the house.

I am not a virgin; I am just not in any kind of relationship right now, and I'm not really looking for one, but, to put it bluntly, I have always been kind of weird about sex and I guess a lot of that has to do with my disability. So I'm just trying to get a little more... comfortable... I guess...

So, I don't really have any stories to share, or questions to ask, or advice to give, I'm just here to read. But I wanted to stick this intro post here anyway, so in case things change and I do decide to speak up, well, then uh, here's my information. Yeah.
About this Entry
Rose
lara_everlong: